I wish my penis had an off switch
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
