Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize