Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
