Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
