but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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