My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
