Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
