doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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