Don't make out with my wife yet
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize