Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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