just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
