I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
PANTIES FOUND
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
