I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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