pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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