in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You can't just leave with hair like that
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
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