Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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