Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
