the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
