he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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