I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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