I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
