We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
