I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
