Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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