I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
