Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
