escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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