Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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