I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
