He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
