I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize