I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
