Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize