Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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