My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
