i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
