sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
