Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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