pop tarts are not kleenex
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
