Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
