I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
So here I am, sexting at work.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
