wake up i wanna do it froggy style
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
