Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
be right there i have to get my cape
I am one with the molecules
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
