Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
