U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
