some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize