I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
