She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
