I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So vagazzling was a success
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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