I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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