Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I look better un-naked...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
