Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
