It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
