she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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