man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
