my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
