I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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