Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
