Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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