Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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