dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
