she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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