only you would photoshop your dick
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
