I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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