He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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