My nipple is on Facebook.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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