The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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