good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
