We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
