i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
