whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
