You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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