At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
