So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
